“The Launderette” and “The Captain’s Column”

The Launderette

Spinning ,whirring muck and grime
Rotates in sequenced synchronised time
Hypnotising and mesmerising
Drum beat thud, falling rising

Amidst a steamy warm fug
Muttered murmuring momentarily rises
Over the incessant hubbub drone
From those from washing machine-less homes
The drama of the cleansing of stains spots and blotches
Whilst the ghost of Dot Cotton sharply watches

Spinning ,whirring muck and grime
Rotates in sequenced synchronised time
Hypnotising and mesmerising
Drum beat thud, falling rising

And souls too come for expiation
Pound coins proffered to striated slots
As complete strangers lean over and tell the lot
Strange stories far too wild to be true
That matter to them but not to you
A life played out in a wash rinse cycle
Of bold strategies hung out to dry
Recounted with a wistful sigh

Spinning ,whirring muck and grime
Rotates in sequenced synchronised time
Hypnotising and mesmerising
Drum beat thud, falling rising

Bags sit in rows carefully prepared
By colour and fabric from disaster spared
Abandoned to the service wash, whilst those with time
Stare transfixed ,in perfect lines
And middle aged ladies close their eyes and dream
Of Nick Kamen coming in and taking off his jeans

Spinning ,whirring muck and grime
Rotates in sequenced synchronised time
Hypnotising and mesmerising
Drum beat thud, falling rising

The Captain’s Column

I ‘d just like to say on behalf of the lads how gutted we were about last week
And the week before that, I suppose, heaven knows
The manager could not even talk to us at the interval- he said we were that bad.
I can count on the fingers of one hand ten games where we’ve caused our own downfall
But despite all that our league position is awful
The game is about goals
And scoring early on is important, especially when the opposition has scored even earlier,
And their forwards are bigger and better and burlier

The big man has been producing too little and the little man hasn’t been making himself big
But I suppose that is something you can tell
As you yell, from the stands close racked
Where every single seat is packed
If you were a mole on the wall of the dressing room
You will hear me say just one thing to the lads before today’s game, concentrate and focus.
We will have to start the way we mean to begin

Some of you have questioned whether I should still be captain
But I tell you this , I will walk away when my legs go
I need to be on the pitch, but you will get you goals from me whether I am on the pitch or the bench.
I almost laid on a goal last week, it was only a yard away from being an inch perfect pass
Some have asked why I didn’t play as well for England as I do for the club, well its tricky, I know its irrational but when you play for your country, you’re playing against eleven internationals .

But football isn’t just about scoring goals it’s about winning
The two M’s movement and positioning
Some people were unhappy with last weeks goal less draw, but there are goalless draws, and goalless draws, and this was a goalless draw, as you saw
I woke up having sleepless nights about that one
Six inches either side of the post and it would have gone in
Sometimes you win
And sometimes you lose
But the tide is very much in our court now,
And before the opposition we will never bow.

“You can’t do better than go away from home and getting a draw.”
Our new forward needs a break, he is a good goal scorer, not a natural born one – not yet. That takes time.
A game, or two, or maybe nine
It’s nice for us to have a fresh face in the camp to bounce things off.
“He dribbles a lot and the opposition don’t like that – you can see it all over their faces
When we play at their places

But back to today, I would just like to say that If history is going to repeat itself
I should think we can expect the same thing again.”
“If it stays as it is I can’t see it altering

It can be tough out there, I swear
“You’re on your own , with ten mates , awaiting the fickle finger of fate
“We don’t underestimate them – they might just be better than we think.”
And win lose or draw I want you to know you will not be hoodwinked, that the shirts hang together, we win together and we lose together ,”I don’t blame individuals, I blame myself.

Thank you and enjoy the game.

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3 Responses to “The Launderette” and “The Captain’s Column”

  1. Liking the launderette, loving the satirical ‘Captain’s Column’ 🙂

  2. Oops, soz Gary, that’ll be ‘Captains’s Column’!

  3. I particularly enjoyed the Launderette poem, it’s rhythms and language. And of course, no launderette would be complete without Dot Cotton.

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