The Tokoloshe

A Tokoloshe

Last week I had the privilege of learning about the tokoloshe from former Zimbabwe resident Afric McGlinchey. This has prompted some further research, with some interesting, and surprising results. By far the most intriguing was a Yahoo Answers page in which a South African resident poses a dilemma resulting from tokoloshe misbehaviour with his bride to be. It might be a joke, but there again, it might not…..

My future wife impregnated by the tokoloshe?

I am a Botswanan living in rural South Africa. I am planning to marry my third wife and I paid her family lobola of two oxen, 12 sheep and a hi-fi system. She is a virgin. I recently went home for a few weeks to visit my sick uncle and when I returned, my future wife told me she is pregnant, although we have not yet consummated. Her father says she was impregnated by a tokoloshe and that the only option would be for us to get married as soon as possible. I am worried because I do not want to be the father of a tokoloshe child, as I believe they are high maintenance. However, I am obligated to marry now because my future father in law has already sold the cattle and sheep to pay for his new dentures and to pay off some gambling debts. What should I do? I was hoping to make her my favourite wife, as my first wife has lost most of her teeth and is barren. However, the tokoloshe child is going to complicate things. I am a well-educated man and feel I do not deserve this women trouble. Do you think I should run away?

Vlakvark Chabalala

Best Answer – Chosen by Asker
This is a very difficult question. It is important to know exactly why the tokoloshe was attracted to your wife. As you know, the tokoloshe could not have got into your wife’s orifice if the bed was high enough off the ground, and if you did not check that the bed was high off the ground, it is your fault. Tokoloshe have very, very long penises, about as long as the span of a man’s both arms. They can move them, like snakes, and they will get into your hole if you do not put your bed up.

Did your wife say that she saw the tokoloshe? If she did, you must get rid of her, because he will be back to make her pay for talking. She must not say that, or it will be very bad for her. My old friend Chitepo saw a tokoloshe, and told everyone, and he was killed by the tokoloshe who was working for the Rhodesians. So you see how dangerous it is.

I would run away. You will lose your lobola, but it is only a few sheep. Two cows is nothing, but I understand about the hi-fi. But if you think of money now, it is not that much, but a tokoloshe child who is not yours for twelve years, that is a lot of money.

What tribe is your future wife? Perhaps the N’anga could be persuaded to help?

Tokoloshe proof bed

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One Response to The Tokoloshe

  1. says:

    absolute bollocks! my good sir I laughed till i cried. My apologies but who “inspected” your wife telling you she was a virgin? Thats your wife’s aunt’s responsibility. You were duped. Your wife was already violated by someone else hence the need to expedite the marriage. You should get your money back.
    My regards to the tokoloshi out there

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